By Scott F-Slater

Now that the global warming scam has been exposed by hacked e-mails from the University of East Anglia’s Climate Research Unit, the Scammer in Chief is still plans to attend climate change circus in Copenhagen and present what he hopes to call the Copenhagen Agreement. An essential part of the C.A. is a comprehensive fee for individual carbon dioxide emission. Part of that price sheet was leaked to me by an unidentified White House official.

Normal breathing: 3 cents but maybe reduced if breathing occurs in a forest where trees use CO2 as a food.

Sneezing: 6 cents- doubled the price of normal breathing because of the rapid release of carbon dioxide.

Laughing: same price as sneezing

Crying: 2 cents but if the crying is a result of personal guilt for damaging the environment, the charge is reduced to a penny.

Sexual activity:  a)  8 cents for sex with yourself

                         b) 16 cents with someone else. A surcharge may be applied if either participant moans, screams or grunts.

Sleeping:  a credit of 2cents.
 

Yawning: 4cents

Showering: 10cents. Increased breating while scrubbing

Bathing in the tub: 8cents because respiration is reduced while relaxing in the hot water.

 Toileting:   # One:  6cents

                  # Two- 7cents. If air freshener is used, 25cents.

Farting: 15cents. If anyone laughs the price doubles.

 Talking: 4cents. If the talkee makes no sense the price triples.

 A fatal illness has a two-part fee.  a)  Dying without life-saving treatment, $10.00

                                                       b) A referral to the death panel review under

                                                           Obamacare, $20.00. The punitive charge is to encourage dying

The list is only a small sample but it does give you some idea as to the expenses for everyday activity. Naturally the question about how the carbon dioxide emissions will be measured. Under the Obama plan all Americans’ will be fitted with CO2 monitors on the face and in the rectum. The facial monitor records all emissions through the mouth and can be removed only for eating. A strict time limit is allowed for the facial monitor and an alarm will sound if the F-monitor exceeds the time limit. The rectal monitor records all activity through the lower digestive system and may be removed temporarily for toileting. GPS satellites will record the position of the rectal monitor until reconnected. While the R- Monitor is disconnected a signal is sent to the Community Rectal and Monitoring Professionals (CRAMPS) located next to NORAD in Colorado Springs. If the task force determines the monitor has been disconnected for more than the allotted time an alarm within the device will sound to alert the owner to reinsert it before punitive action begins. The alarm will be loud enough so family members and neighbors know the monitor is over the time-limit in case their assistance is necessary. If the owner dies while the monitor is disconnected the Devise Investigation and Removal Team (DIRT) will receive a transmission to retrieve the device

The congress, the vice president and president and their families are excluded from monitoring while in office